By Certified Funeral Celebrant, Deb Buehler
There are so many details to consider when a loved one dies. Decisions to be made about cremation, burial, memorial services and more. Sometimes a loved one has helped with advanced planning….other times the death comes so unexpectedly that making these decisions feels even more difficult.
In any situation, a funeral celebrant’s role is to be with the family exactly where they are. The funeral celebrant creates the space where mourning may begin. The funeral celebrant offers help in making meaning when it seems that all is lost.
Working with a funeral celebrant
“I don’t want any religion,” one client said.
“It is important to me to keep it simple,” another explained.
“I want to focus on the beautiful things about her even though her life had been hard,” a relative said.
These are just some of the things people have shared when I serve as their funeral celebrant. Together we craft a memorial or celebration of life service that shines a light on the life of their loved one.
As a certified funeral celebrant, my role is to help families tell the story of who their loved one was and what that person meant to others. There are really no limits to what we can plan – we aren’t restricted by the ways funerals have been done in the past. In fact, the process of planning and implementing the funeral are very individual to a family; very personal. Together we can make creative decisions that make the most sense for the family and their loved one.
Today’s funerals can be shaped in ways that make meaning out of loss – families can pick and choose what is most important to them. For some families this includes using special musical elements, for others poetry, scripture, readings written by family and friends and the inclusion of small details that remind everyone of the one who has died.
This might look like having the individual’s artwork placed around the casket. Or quilts made by the deceased scattered around the room. It might include the person’s special collection of beer mugs or porcelain collectibles or favorite sports memorabilia. Collectibles or cherished keepsakes such as Girl or Boy Scout badges, or functional items representing hobbies such as gardening tools or musical instruments also help tell the story of a life lived. Displaying cherished items reminds everyone who attends the calling and service of all the ways that particular person lived in the world.
The same is true of the memorial service. It can include musical elements, readings by grandchildren or adult children, quotes and favorite sayings that were important to the individual. And, when family members feel too overwhelmed to be speakers…the funeral celebrant takes on that role.
As a funeral celebrant I carefully collaborate with surviving family members – listening to their desires, asking questions and hearing their important stories and when they prefer it, sharing their words and readings during the service.
Funerals, memorial services, celebrations of life – they are all important opportunities for surviving family members. They are the way we remember and acknowledge who the person was. And, as rituals, they offer different ways for people to express their sorrow when words just won’t do.
Deb Buehler is a Certified Funeral Celebrant, Creative Grief Coach and Professional writer and educator. To learn more about Deb’s programs and services visit GrowingBeyondGrief.com or email Deb at deb@growingbeyondgrief.com
